occupyLIFE, alzheimer’s, and laughing goats.
18 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: alzheimers, laughing goat, occupy
Occupy
This OccupyWallStreet movement is a fascinating social study. I know there are heaps of criticisms out there of it (my Facebook newsfeed is constantly reminding me of these), and although I agree with them to an extent, I also am oddly inspired. To satisfy what I’m sure is popular demand for my thoughts, here’s my response:
Pros
I think it’s fantastic that a group of people are willing to put the overall needs of the country over their own needs. Those who are protesting are fighting for a cause that they deeply believe in – to raise awareness about Wall Street control, to attempt to reduce the income gap, to just show their own anger at how the last few years have economically played out. I know many of you mock this effort, finding it futile and naive. But to that, I ask: how many of you have the courage to give up your daily lives and comforts to fight for something that you believe in? Whether you agree with the fight, recognize that there’s courage in fighting at all. Many of us shrug our shoulders at societal problems – think of the sheer apathy most of us have when we consider poverty, homelessness, education issues. ”Occupy”ers are standing for something. That, by itself, deserves respect.
Cons
I don’t know if the movement will have any sort of lasting effect. Here are a couple of limitations on its success: #1) what does it really want to accomplish? Awareness? More jobs? Better-run corporations that consider their impact on the country within which they reside when making decisions? Successful movements have very specific goals in mind when they begin; think the labor movement (obtaining protected labor rights), the civil rights movement (achieving equality), the Revolution (independence). Counter: our economic situation is almost un-fixable, or at least requires such thought and consideration that only highly trained economists, political theorists, and business leaders can really conjure up a solution (quick point: do we want them to be the only ones able to provide solutions? Probably not…). Maybe why the Occupy movement lacks a clear goal/purpose is because what it wants (jobs, financial equality and opportunity for all) is just unattainable. #2) There isn’t a cohesive and singular ideology among those protesting. Some are Democrats, some are Republicans; some want more jobs, some want social awareness, some want the rich to give up their wealth to balance society. This limitation is both a result of and a contributor to the first limitation (i.e. the lack of clear goal). #3) the lack of economic impact may decrease the movement’s success. Ultimately, what matters to our economy is $$money$$. To be honest, the Wall Street corporations are likely to view the Occupy movement like a large, annoying fly that escapes the fly swatter as if they were magnetically repelling. But ultimately, you learn to just deal with the fly, and it’s likely that Wall Street’s learned/is learning to just deal with the Occupy movement.
Overall
What’s surprised me the most is how quickly the movement caught on & spread, and how long it’s lasted. I think that demonstrates how unhappy and restless our people are, and how willing they are to fight for change. Do I think there will be any effect? Honestly, I hope so. I’m not sure how possible that is, but I hope so. The issues that the movement has raised are worth thinking about and need some addressing. So I say (to quote my USC-fan brother), “Fight on!” I would also add that I think we take cues from those protesting and seek to participate more fully in all aspects of our lives!!
Number Two
Did you know November is National Alzheimer’s Month? Visit the national website and consider making a donation to finding a cure. Or at the very least, learn a little bit about the disease here.
This disease impacted my life in a huge way. When I was about 12 years old, my grandmother was diagnosed with the disease. Understandably, she and my grandfather were shocked and it took some time for the news to sink in. Unfortunately, early onset Alzheimer’s means there’s quite a bit of normal mental functioning: a diagnosis means you more of less feel like yourself but you’re told that it won’t last. Awful.
For the first bit, it was particularly difficult on my family. The two of them lived about 45 minutes away from us, and my grandmother’s disease first started manifesting itself with her not recognizing my grandfather. The phone would ring, I would answer it, and she would be on the other end, crying and asking for “Grandma” (she meant my mom) to help her. I was young and didn’t really understand the magnitude of what was occurring; as I type and re-think this, it must have been horrifying for her. To feel so alone, lost without your husband, and almost in danger of a “strange” man – wow. And also, can you imagine how difficult it was for my grandfather to look at his wife of 50+ years and have her not know who he was? Ugh. Makes me tear up.
Anyway, they eventually moved in with us, and we moved to a bigger and more efficient house. We weren’t there for long, though, before a variety of events led us to place her in an Alzheimer’s care facility. Prior to that, though, was a dramatic decrease in function. Her constant shakiness mimicked Parkinson’s; she hallucinated (what, we’re obviously not sure; she would grow incredibly anxious and upset); if left alone, she would sometimes just walk out of the house and up the driveway. We were all very concerned. I remember taking her shaky hand and walking her around the living room for countless laps while she would cry, incoherently yell, or just mumble whatever was happening in her mind. Eventually the physical activity would calm her down and she would be quiet for a while. Again, at the time, it just seemed natural. I watched my mother just selflessly give and provide for my grandparents; it just seemed natural that I do my part. But again, looking back on it, it really really breaks my heart.
After placing her, her condition severely worsened. She quickly became unable to clothe or feed herself, and was nearly vegetative. I would visit, and her eyes showed no spark of recognition. Grandpa still saw her every day, and on the few days he was unable (he himself had medical battles to fight), my mom went.
After almost three years, she finally passed away a few days before Christmas. As tough as it was to lose such a shining light of joy, love, and energy, it was a blessing for her to pass; to be out of pain, out of her struggle. And three months later, my grandpa left us as well and I am confident that they are sharing life in Heaven together and watching over us, smiling.
My grandmother had the most infectious laugh. I remember that the most – when she laughed, it was just pure, unadulterated joy. The kind of joy that just makes your heart swell with inspiration and happiness. She was an incredible cook, and one of the most giving people. Granted, Adam and I were pretty young in the grand scheme when she became ill, but I still have memories. And when you know my mother, it’s so obvious that she is the product of her parents. She’s wickedly intelligent, the most self-less person, the most compassionate and loving person, and she has this energy that wears me out to this day. My dad once told me, in discussing our family, that my grandparents live on through my parents and through me and will eventually live on through my children. Their values dramatically impacted my parents’ lives, and have thus dramatically impacted my (and Adam’s) life.
And in conclusion…
These have just been thoughts, stream-of-consciouness mostly. I’ve spent significant time at my favorite location in Boulder, the lovely Laughing Goat lately. I’ve been enjoying lots of great coffee, great conversations with great people, sharing smiles with strangers, and listening to creative music. And finally one of my favorite baristas said to me tonight, “I need to know your name.” Made me happy. Then she put chocolate on my whipped-cream-covered mocha (sometimes you just have to indulge!!). I think I’m officially a regular. I don’t even remember how I found this place last night, I just remember I came here with Teresa and Laura after a particularly-unique workout. That moment changed my life. =)
Also, I love that whenever Tim Tebow does something fantastic on the field, I get lots of text messages. Thank you, friends, for associating me with such a handsome and talented man. Keep at it.
=)
motivation
09 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
A dear friend of mine asked me the other day, “What motivates you?”
I quietly sat and thought for a few minutes. Most people don’t embark on self-evaluations as often as I do (quirk #1), but I wanted to ensure I was articulating myself well. After a multi-day discussion, I decided to share my reply on the world-wide-web in the hopes that it would spurn discussions amongst my friends and ideally hear your responses.
So what motivates me? Three things.
#1: Connections. I am particularly driven by a desire to connect with people and create relationships. I love getting to know someone; getting to hear their experiences and their stories. I really love that. That’s partly why I loved working at the front desk of the hotel: every single guest was a new face with a different and unique background. Last night, for example, a group of us were chillaxin’ and watching a movie. The host of our movie night has a multi-shelf stand in the corner of the living room that displays a number of interesting “souvenirs” from different places he’s traveled to or lived in. (This friend has lived and traveled all over the world). He wanted to share a particular item with me, and it turned into going through every single object on the shelf, with me hoping to learn every little keepsake’s story. It was a fantastic conversation and one of the most fulfilling evenings I’ve had in a while. All of us felt comfortable with a level of vulnerability and were able to share, partly indirectly, about our values and experiences. I live for those moments.
#2: Inspiration. I also live to be inspired. I am constantly seeking *something* to inspire me; sometimes it’s a song, a painting, a scene, a feeling, an interaction with someone. Occasionally, walking to school, I am struck by the beauty of the Flatirons and their stark contract with the city of Boulder and school. I walk through a parking lot near the law building, and when I turn the bend, the mountains frame the building and it’s just stunning. Whether it’s snowy and white or sparkling in sun, it just strikes me as perfectly beautiful. That’s inspiring to me. Michelangelo’s Pieta inspires me (I can’t figure out how to hyperlink that to a Google image search – but do it, it’s an incredible piece of art). Any choral piece by Eric Whitacre inspires me. A great conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee inspires me. I think you get the idea.
#3: The last main motivation in my life is my family: a close friend of mine said it so well: “I want to be the person that my family believes me to be”. I completely concur. My parents and my brother are the three most important people in my life. They provide me with unconditional love, support, and happiness. Sure, they recognize my flaws (I’m sure Adam has a list somewhere haha), but they believe that I am capable to improve. They believe in me in general, and that’s very motivating.
That’s my story. I hope that you take some time to identify the aspects that motivate you, and I would love to hear from those of you comfortable to share that with me. I’m sure that would further motivate… =)
halloween!!
24 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
I want to do something scary this Halloween. Every time I say this and act on it, I immediately regret it. But maybe not this time?
The last time that I tried to do something scary, we went to a haunted corn maze and I lasted about 10 feet/10 seconds before turning around. I’m convinced that should a scary 16-year old dressed up as a zombie come at me with a chain-saw, he’s getting junk-punked. Without a doubt.
So Adam comes and visits in less than four weeks (!!!!!!!). And Lauren, Krista and I are currently discussing scary things to do during Halloween, so I think we’re going to go to The 13th Floor here in Denver. Adam should make it significantly either less or more scary. He’s either going to be calming or going to kill me. Will be interesting.
What are other things that are scary? The movie The Ring (I know that many, if not most, people are not scared of this movie. Adam continues to remind me of this frequently.) That movies scares the living heartbeat out of me. I don’t know why, but every time the television turns to static, I’m convinced little Samara’s going to climb out of the screen and kill me. I’ve also had way too many dreams of this. Other scary movies that send me into hysteria: The Exorcist and anything with Satan or terrifying children (combining the two ensures I’m a sobbing mess and unable to sleep for days.)
And even though watching a youtube video of a girl in a pantry is enough to keep me awake until 3am, I’m going to suffer and force myself to be scared this Halloween season. Or maybe I’ll just watch Joy Ride…
21 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I know that it’s 3pm on a Sunday and I have at least 130 pages left to read for Labor Law, but I don’t care. I’m taking a break.
This book I’m reading for Labor Law is really neat: There is Power in a Union by Philip Dray. I am well aware that this is the law school nerd in me showing its colors, but I get little chills when I think about the description of the first textile mill formed in America. I just wonder what the founders thought at the time, if they had any idea that they were introducing something into America that would so drastically change this country. They must have known something, but how neat. The other thing I find so fascination is the role of these women millworkers. They left their homespun farms to work in these factories for sometimes $1 a week, and yet I think many of them found the pay inconsequential when compared with the development of their sense of self and independence.
Thinking about this reminds me of a conversation I had with someone/people relatively recently (my memory isn’t functioning all that well at the moment). And I forget how it was brought up, maybe someone mentioned something about women in other countries who are imprisoned for violations like walking outside unaccompanied. I mentioned in those moments, comparing our lives with those who face such strong opposition, that I feel so patriotic. America has its problems, no doubt, but the fact that we, as women, are able to drive ourselves around town, pursue a variety of educations, work any job we want, is such a blessing. We are allowed and encouraged to be individuals, and that is something that should be celebrated and reminded of us. Knowing, too, that it was not long ago in America’s close past that women were prohibited from studying subjects like math and science because they didn’t belong; that women would not be considered for management positions because they just “didn’t have what it takes”; that in many instances women weren’t even supported by their families when they expressed a desire to work. I know that we don’t live completely equally, but we’ve made leaps forward since my mother’s generation, for example. And we’re still lightyears ahead of other areas of the world.
“I like it as well as ever and Sarah don’t I feel independent of everyone! The thought that I am living on no one is a happy one indeed to me!” (A letter from a millworker to a friend back home)
I think part of why this whole idea gets me a bit emotional lies in how my parents taught me to live growing up. My mother was extremely successful in her career; was well-respected and incredible at what she did. But even she had battled sexism in her pursuit of independence, and I think she wanted to make sure her only daughter had the strength to combat that as well. My father worships my mom, and will be the first and last to praise her for the type of woman she is and the type of career she created. But even he was not immune to the presence of an unequal playing field. It was at his suggestion that my parents took me to a female family practitioner, so that I could see what women were capable of. Beyond career guidance, my parents have also worked so hard to have Adam and I develop into individual, independent people; to have (and feel confident of) our own thoughts and opinions. They created a loving and supportive environment for the two of us in which to feel comfortable making mistakes, but they also worked hard to help us grow and find ourselves.
This got a bit emo. I know that’s probably not too shocking for you all. =) I think it’s because I watched some of Gilmore Girls season 6 last night, when Rory and Lorelai aren’t talking and it made me sad. Cure for emo-ness = reading more of Labor Law, so I will get back to it.
love!!!!!
serenity
07 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I think my favorite time of day is dusk. The sky is this enormous palette of every hue of blue, bright little stars start twinkling, the crickets come out to chirp, and it’s just peaceful. I try hard in my daily activities to appreciate the beauty around me, and I’ve been quite blessed to have lived in the two prettiest states in the country. But at dusk, it’s just so easy to stop, let that beauty sink into your soul, and feel calm. Refreshed. This evening, after ending a movie/dinner date with bff Lauren, I headed to the mailbox before coming inside. While I was walking back to the stairs, I was just overwhelmed with how serene everything was: mountains in the (not-so) distance, stars framing this bright canopy overhead, crickets singing their symphony in the warm summer breeze. I so badly wanted to stop, sit in a chair/on a blanket in the grass. Unfortunately, I live 1) by myself, 2) in an apartment complex, and 3) in an area with some sketch sexual assaults being committed by some creeper. So I sighed and headed inside. But it made me miss Oregon, where I think my favorite thing on earth is to sit outside on either the Salem or Lincoln City house’s deck. In Salem, the house is just isolated (in a good way, not a scary way). The whole sky just opens up before you, the wind whistles through the nearby forest, and it’s like time stops. In Lincoln City, the waves of the lake lap up to the stone wall below the deck; a soothing reminder of regularity. I know soon enough I’ll have a house of my own that I can sit outside to my heart’s content, and I cannot emphasize my excitement of that prospect. I think it’s important to take a step back, calm down, and just be. Stop worrying, stop thinking, stop feeling. Just exist.
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation, I will be honored throughout the world.” Psalm 46:10 (emphasis added).
i have no title for this one.
22 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
50% of this post is dedicated to my dear friends Brian and Lauren who graciously invited me to their beautiful wedding on Saturday and allowed me to share their special day with them. It was a beautiful ceremony at Central Presbyterian Church in downtown Denver. Lauren looked stunning (surprise, surprise – that girl couldn’t look non-gorgous even if she tried, I’m sure of it), and Brian just looked ecstatic! His brother and her sister sang a really lovely worship song, and their friend sang while the newly married couple and their parents prayed with them for their first act as a married couple. The bridesmaids looked great, and the church was old and simple and just beautiful. The reception was at a The University Club across the street, and it was elegantly decorated and dinner was delicious. I was honored to be their guest, and am so excited for them as they begin their new life together!
40% of this post is going to focus on me complaining. Right before the wedding, I was rear-ended on I-25. I was so anxious/stressed about the accident and getting to the wedding and then being at the wedding that I didn’t notice any injuries until I got home that evening. Then concussion/whiplash symptoms set in and I was in so much pain. Lasted all through Sunday, and I finally went to the ER where I was given some Vicodin and told to drink water and take lots of ibprofen. (The remaining 10% of this post enters here.) Although I was so grateful that Jessica and I weren’t seriously injured and my car wasn’t totally destroyed (am I really grateful for that?! Meh. A pretty new Audi does sound nice…HA. I think my car’s worth about $800 right now. And yes, there are only two zeros there intentionally. But I should retract that and worship my little turquoise steel soldier so that the automobile gods will grant me transportation until I get a big-girl salary.), I must admit the timing kinda sucked. I started my job on Monday, and who wants to be That Person to call out on the first day? Sure, I had a good excuse, but still. And after weeks of not having a lot to do, I was definitely chomping at the bit to get to work. Do I regret driving the 40+ miles to Centennial to start at 8am Monday morning? Well. To be honest, 15 minutes in my drive my back started hurting really bad. And every time I’d turn my head to check a blind spot, I’d immediately remember that my neck isn’t really that mobile right now. BUT. I could not be more excited about my job. Even after day 2 and after another 80 miles + 9 hours spent hunched over trial transcripts torturing my back into screams of pain, I’m still so excited. My poor emotional state is confused. It can’t decide whether to be sad that I’m kinda worthless at home, angry at how silly insurance processes work, or joyful at having this wonderful employment opportunity. It keeps spinning around the spectrum trying to determine where I actually am, and I think it’s getting worn out.
I was also really lucky to have Mom do some recon on some of the insurance stuff, and she got a lot started for me. That took heaps of stress away. If only the guy’s claim agent worked past 2pm, then maybe I could get something done.
Moral of this: I’m happy/excited. And on some Vicodin. Maybe the two are related…
Also, I’m now a Mac. Who wants to tell me fun things/applications/stories about Macs to help me become a pro?
<3
pictures.
16 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
Oops. I was going to add pictures to the last one. Here’s some of what we saw last week.
one of my favorite chalk art paintings. this one was done by a high school.
birthday dinner! (pretended adam was there the whole time)
nbd, just some elk crossing the street in the middle of traffic. ?!
why, hello, flatirons
happy birthday to…me!
16 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
WOW. What a…10 day-period! I am just now feeling back to normal. =)
Last last weekend, we started celebrating my birthday. Laura was in town, so we had a fun Friday night of shopping and PF Changs. Then on Saturday, we went to the Denver Chalk Art Festival in Larimer Square. That was amazing. What some of these artists can create on pavement with just chalk. It was incredible. We (really just me) tried to meet love-of-my-life Tim Tebow at his book signing at the Tattered Cover, but apparently you had to buy a ticket in advance. Whoops. Don’t worry Tim, we’ll meet at some point. Don’t even worry.
I spent early last week cleaning and getting ready for my parents coming into town. On my actual birthday, I was greeted with rain and overcast skies. Thank you for the weather-gift, Pacific Northwest. But I got my new computer (!!!!!), tried an egg-white omelette and was pleasantly surprised, and then went to dinner with the cousins at the Denver Chophouse. Friday morning/early afternoon was spent at the Denver Zoo. It is SO much fun seeing the world through a 2-year-old’s eyes. Jaylyn had so much fun, and it made me have more fun than I usually do at my favorite place in the world. Friday evening was spent grilling with the family, then Mom, Dad, and I spent the whole day on Saturday at Estes Park. What a LOVELY place. It’s nestled right in the mountains around a beautiful lake, and we completed a 2mi/1,000ft incline hike. The view from the summit kinda sucked, but it was worth the exercise. Then on Sunday we hiked up Chatauqua, walked around Pearl St, strolled along Boulder Creek, then went to dinner. I was sad to see them leave. I adore my parents, and I felt so special that they made the 1,200 mile drive to see me on my birthday. It was fun to show them my new life here. They loved every bit of it! Knowing that they support my decision to move to Colorado makes it so much easier to be here. Yes, it’s hard to leave everything that’s familiar behind to move to a new place with nothing, but knowing that I have Mom and Dad (and Adam) behind me makes it infinitely easier. And of course having such lovely family members like Jayson, Gina, and Jaylyn just 45 minutes away helps. =)
On a much lighter note, I started Dexter season 3. This show is incredibly written. Took me long enough to try it out, but thanks to Netflix, not only am I impressed but I can’t stop watching it!
Excited to see what this summer brings. Feels weird that there’s so much of it left; I guess that’s a bonus of finishing May 2 and having four whole months off between semesters. But I just have a feeling like this summer is going to be amazing. Maybe difficult, challenging, trying, but growing, rewarding, and hopeful. Worth it!
<3
inspiration
23 May 2011 Leave a Comment
I’m going to take a break from my prompts. Enough has gone on in my mind all week that I don’t have any writer’s block at all. =)
First of all, I bought the best nail polish color. I FINALLY found the hot pink I was looking for. I know that sounds dumb, but I was excited. And I also found a great deal at the clearance Dillards in Westminster: a pair of hot pink and a pair of neon orange flats. I’m in love.
I’ve had a lot of time on my hands lately. Which is GREAT because this is the most time I’ve had since sophomore year of undergrad without work or school. It’s been so nice to just relax. BUT I also really want a job or class or some sort of activity to keep me occupied. The weather has sucked lately, too, so I ended up treating myself to watching Glee and Dexter on Netflix. Dexter=greatness. What a show. Incredibly well-written and the acting is superb. So creepy.
There’s an episode of Glee that I’m sure many of you are familiar with where the kids focus on dreams. One of the characters defines a dream as that one thing that if it were to come true, everything else in life would be okay. I realized that for me, that dream is performing. If I could perform in my life, everything would be fine. It’s been the only year in my whole life that I haven’t had something music-related occurring; no theater shows, no choirs, no accompanying, no teaching. It’s been harder on me than I realized. So after a few days of contemplation, I’ve decided to perform by the end of the year. I’ll audition for a show somewhere in the Denver community or join a choir or something. As my friend said, I’d rather die than not have music in my life. I know that’s melodramatic, but oh well. =)
It’s interesting, too, to note the differences between musician-type people and lawyer-type people. (*Disclaimer* I’m going to stereotype and generalize for a bit here. Just fair warning.) Music is a form of art; it’s a means of expression. The point is to share emotion, and connect on a deep level. No matter if it’s rehearsal or performance, we connect. We’re comfortable lowering our guards and sharing bits of our souls with each other and the audience. Compare that with lawyers, who exist and perpetuate this adversarial system; it’s almost a sign of weakness to be vulnerable. But the disadvantage to these guarded relationships is that it’s difficult to really know someone. But maybe that’s just life and people across the board. Maybe we were just lucky to grow up in such a close and comfortable community that was supportive of creating relationships. Maybe I’m just too emo for the world. =) I think my plan to counter this realization is to be patient. And Lord knows that patience is a lovely attribute that I am constantly needing to remember!
Anyway. There’s a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress on Netflix that I must return to. I wish Miss Holly Lewis was here to watch it with me! Hopefully soon… =)
Numero Quatre
12 May 2011 Leave a Comment
Before I begin this prompt: what a DAY. I’m both exhausted and extremely pleased with myself for being so darn productive. Cleaned/organized (little by little my house is starting to look better), got my petition for residency done, went to the grocery store and made the most delicious dinner ever (a taco salad…yummm), sent out 20 emails to local sports lawyers, applied for a couple clerkships, worked out (best hour of my day, hands down), worked on the song I started writing last night, watched/am watching some Glee, and am going to prettify a clock when I’m done with this. I haven’t been this productive in weeks. I don’t know why I’ve been so lazy. But I like this way better.
Also, the weather is like Oregon right now. 5% of me is sad because it’s MAY and I want it to be SUNNY. But I had the windows open last night and I just listened to the rain splash onto the ground all night. What a great moment. Having that freshness waft through my room and hearing that comforting pitter-patter just wrap me in familiarity. I woke up this morning and it was still raining, and at first I thought it was applause (because of course I woke up singing Don’t Stop Believing…duh). It really did sound like a room full of people clapping, quietly at first and then growing louder and louder and then the intensity ebbing down. Anyway, I loved it. It’s Colorado, so it’ll be nice again soon.
Anyway. Onto prompt #4! This one is a GREAT one. I don’t know about you guys, but I am always thinking about what songs would play in the soundtrack to whatever moment I find myself in. But finding one album to describe my life is practically impossible. For one thing, my music preferences change as I grow. What gives me chills now will most likely lose that effect in probably just a few short months. But music is like smells – sometimes one little riff of a melody can remind you of a former girl/boyfriend, a fight between a friend, the loss of a loved one. And all of a sudden you’re back in that moment, feeling those emotions almost as much as you did at the time.
I know that you can’t tell, but I’ve spent some time thinking about the answer to this prompt. And I thought I was going to pick Switchfoot’s Dare You to Move album. First of all, they’re my all-time favorite band; the first concert I went to, their song Let That Be Enough was the first song I taught myself on the guitar, and I always find some sort of connection to their lyrics. That particular album reminds me of our Concert Choir tour to San Francisco – I listened to it pretty much the whole time. And I still love it. Dare You to Move still makes my skin tingle and my eyes well up.
But that’s not the album that would describe my life. The album that would describe my life and would describe me as I find myself writing this at midnight in Colorado after finishing my first year of law school is… (drum roll please…) Eric Whitacre, The Complete A Capella Works 1991-2001. Wow, that title is anti-climactic! But it’s true. And for those of you who know anything about my past as a dedicated chorister, Eric Whitacre is It. This album, performed by the BYU Singers and conducted by Eric himself, is heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Water Night, the opening song, was written in 45 minutes. Eric described it as reading the poem and just hearing the chords in his head. That’s like Mozart-status. Hope Faith Life Love has a particular fondness in my heart, since we performed it my senior year. That song, though, also speaks to my favorite things in life: hope, faith, life, love, dream, joy, truth, soul. Eric took the first letter of an e.e. cummings poem and wrote the song. It’s full of what I imagine every word musically embodies. i thank you God follows – another gorgeous e.e. cummings poem, and Eric beautifully meets cummings’ words. Never sang it, but With a Lily has so much power and intensity, whether it’s forte or pianissimo. When David Heard is a haunting account of David’s loss of Absalom. Leonardo Dreams of His Flying Machine was performed by our Concert Choir when I was just a sophomore, and I remember finishing that song at our state performance at Oregon State. It ends with the choir whispering like the wind. The audience didn’t know both when it ended and what had happened to them (it’s an 8 minute song that truly takes the audience on the journey of Leonardo’s dedication to flight), and there was a split second between us finishing making sound and the audience erupting into applause. That moment was so cool.
BUT my personal favorite is Lux Arumque. The first time I heard this song was at the Salem-Keizer area concert when McNary performed it. Then, Luther College came and performed it at Willamette University, and I was sold. I came home and listened to it on repeat for about three hours, begging my parents to come into my room and experience it with me. We all cried at the end of it. It’s just that good.
Not long after, my grandfather died. And it was a tough time in my family; he had lived with us for the preceding four years, and his absence affected our lives in ways we couldn’t have prepared for. And every night before bed for about two weeks, I went into my room, closed the door, opened my Bible to my favorite verse (Isaiah 41:10), put Lux Arumque on, and prayed. I can’t even think about listening to that song without tearing up. Yes, because it makes me sad, but also because it is the musical symbol for one of the most important moments in my life. My grandfather’s death (which will probably be discussed in another post) made me grow up; it made my family who we are.
That album describes me. I think it expresses my youthful optimism and hope, my also youthful challenges and disappointments, and the moments that force me to look deeper into myself, that define who I am. Even if you’re not an avid choral listener (which I admit, I belong to a small group of those who are), listen to just a bit.
=) My heart’s pretty happy right now. God bless!
